i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
