i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
