I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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