yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
