like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
