the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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