Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Let's get the cat blown out
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
