I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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