Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
