Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
