I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
