i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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