Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
