If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
