I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I stole a fireplace last night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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