my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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