just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
