I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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