either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
