there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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