He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
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He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
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I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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