god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
