OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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