I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
