the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
