My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
