OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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