I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We are all done wearing pants today
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
