My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
