You made me cry and you don't even care
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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