i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
