I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Randomize
