I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
