How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
