She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
