the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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