so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
