i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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