i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
