Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
