some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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