When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize