He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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