Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
