Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
