I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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