i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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