oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
