turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
