I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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