U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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