We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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