after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
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second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
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You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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