I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
