It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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