We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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