Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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