then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
