Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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