Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
